I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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