sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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