Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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