His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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