the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
