He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
