So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
