The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
