PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
