8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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