The police scanner is talking about you again....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
