He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
