How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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