I am puke
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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