I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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