I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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