There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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