this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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