You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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