Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
