In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
