Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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