4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is Oprah even human
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
