He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
