the day after is always just damage control
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
