i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
