just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
