Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk is a universal language darling
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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