I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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