You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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