Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
