giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
