Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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