you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's the barista slut.
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Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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