Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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