____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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