Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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