even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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