He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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