last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
