im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
