I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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