When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
