Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
