i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
