Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
