Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
