highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
