dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
