I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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