yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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