I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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