My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
