walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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