i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
