Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Randomize
