The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
