im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need moral support for this bender
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
