Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
