My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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