I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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