My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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