I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
