I have demons in me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
