finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
