I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
