He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
