dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
