just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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