hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
