batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
