Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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