I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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