Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
