im holly from the hills drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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